The Secret to Building Resilience - HBR
What’s the Secret to Resilience?
Resilience is more than just bouncing back. It’s about bouncing forward. In the HBR article “The Secret to Building Resilience” (2021), authors Rob Cross, Karen Dillon and Danna Greenberg explore what helps people truly thrive in the face of pressure, setbacks and change. Drawing on research from over 160 interviews and extensive workplace studies, the article shifts the focus from individual grit to the hidden power of relationships.
Why Relationships Matter More Than We Think
It’s easy to believe that resilience is a personal trait, something we summon from within. But this article argues otherwise. It suggests that our capacity to be resilient is largely influenced by the people around us. The real secret is that resilience is social. We thrive not just because we’re tough but because we’re supported.
The authors highlight that resilient people don’t do it alone. They are more intentional about their relationships, actively building connections that replenish their energy rather than drain it. According to their findings, these relationships fall into four main categories:
1. Emotional Support
These are the people who make space for our worries, listen without judgement and help us regain perspective. Having someone to talk to, even briefly, can be enough to restore our sense of calm and control.
Key traits: Compassion, presence, trust
2. Perspective
Sometimes we get stuck in our own heads. People who offer perspective help us zoom out, reframe challenges and spot opportunities we may have missed. They remind us that setbacks are temporary and growth is possible.
Key traits: Wisdom, level-headedness, clarity
3. Encouragement
These are our champions, the ones who believe in our potential and push us to keep going. They show up when we doubt ourselves and their encouragement can spark the energy we need to try again.
Key traits: Optimism, belief in others, a motivating presence
4. Help with Thinking or Task Work
Resilient people also know when to ask for help. Whether it’s advice, brainstorming or pitching in on a task, they lean on others to lighten the load and make better decisions. This isn’t weakness, it’s smart.
Key traits: Collaboration, generosity, practical support
Avoiding the Drain
Equally important is recognising who drains our energy. The article urges us to be mindful of toxic relationships, those marked by drama, constant negativity or one-sided demands. Managing these interactions, setting boundaries or stepping back altogether can be just as crucial for resilience as building positive ones.
Resilience is a Team Sport
Ultimately, the article redefines resilience from an internal struggle to a collective effort. It’s not just about who we are but who we’re with. By being deliberate in the relationships we build and protect, we can all learn not just to survive the tough times but to thrive through them.